Confessions of an Annoying Know it all
by Fidelius Charmer
Summary: A closer look at Hermione’s innermost thoughts. This story is told in diary format.
1. What do you expect from a dead guy?

> Authors Note: I was in one of my moods today. I hope that no one finds my sarcasm offensive. Tell me if you want me to continue this story.  
  
Summary: A closer look at Hermione's innermost thoughts. This story is told in diary format.  
  
Disclaimer: This story is based on character and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books, Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.  
  
Confessions of an Annoying Know-it-all   
By: Fidelius Charmer  
  
_March 22, 1998-12:32 p.m.  
Library  
_  
Breath, that's what I need to do, but I can't remember how. What did I do to deserve a 99? Would it have been so hard for Snape to give me one more measly point? That man is incapable of giving any Gryffindor a non-biased grade. I mean for Gods sake, even Draco Malfoy got a 100 and I could have sworn I saw that ferret cheating. It aggravates me that no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to get full marks in potions this year. My essay on the various uses of flobberworms was genius. So then, the question still remains; how did I get a 99?  
  
The practical is this Thursday and if that slimy git does not give me full credit I swear I will go on a murderous rampage. Well maybe nothing that drastic, I am after all supposed to set an example for the lower years. We can't have them killing each other now can we? No, of course not. But I won't go down without a fight. Maybe a good temper tantrum would suffice; it always works with Harry and Ron.  
  
Speaking of which, where did those two disappear? I'm positive I told them to meet me at the Library after lunch to study. Something tells me they got sidetracked. I'll give them the next five minutes to get here, if they're not here by then, I'll go look for them. How I hate having to do that; it's a waste of time really.  
  
_12:37 p.m.   
Corridor outside the Library_  
  
Right well, it's been five minutes. I guess they've opted to waste my precious time. I'll just head over to Gryffindor Tower to see what's taking them so long.  
  
_12:53 p.m.   
Head Girl Dormitory_  
  
What I saw just moments ago was enough to make me thoroughly ill. Because of it, no amount of coaxing will make me leave this room. I will just have to live here for the rest of my life. Surely Dumbledore won't mind. Who thought Harry could bend that way-eck! Do not think about that Hermione! Have you gone daft? Shouldn't you have stopped to think that perhaps there was a very good reason for the wards placed on the boy's door?  
  
I mean I know the guys enjoy each other's company, but having a foursome together is definitely pushing it. I'm surprised that Lavender and Pavarti agreed to it. Well actually, no I'm not. Those two are the horniest bunch of materialistic sluts in the history of Hogwarts. It's no secret that they've slept with every boy in our year. I should know; I've had to listen to their chattering for the past six years. Guess how jubilant I was to find out that I'd made Head Girl. The only reason I had worshiped the title all those years was because I knew that a private dormitory came with the package.  
  
Hmm, I wonder if Crookshanks would be willing to scratch my eyes out...  
  
_1:29 p.m.   
History of Magic_  
  
Well I couldn't miss class, now could I? Of course not! Doing so would go against the very ethics of my being. Anyway, no sign of Harry or Ron, I guess they're too embarrassed to come down, either that or their using my appearance as an excuse to skip class. It's most likely the latter if you ask me.  
  
Even I agree that Bins' lectures lack any sort liveliness. Well, what do you expect from a dead guy? I think I'll just charm my quill to take notes for me.  
  
_3:46 p.m.   
Arithmancy_  
  
I adore Professor Vector, but couldn't she make her assignments slightly more challenging? Her charts never take more than half the class time to complete, for me at least. Actually, forget I said that. I do enjoy watching Malfoy struggle to complete his work. Pity though that he always does. Right now he's biting the tip of his quill; it's a very amusing nervous habit of his. I commented on it once; he sneered at me, saying that at least he could afford replacing them and to toss off, which I did.  
  
Oh look, he's got a lurker. I think I'll just stare at it. Hopefully he'll become all self-conscious and ask to run off to the loos.  
  
_3:49 p.m._  
  
Malfoy just left. He was muttering something about me being filthy mudblood and whatnot on his way out the door. Doesn't he realize that name-calling is so 6th year? I guess not.  
  
_5:25 p.m.   
Head Girl Dormitory_  
  
Returned to find Crookshanks eating Neville's toad again. I guess I'll have to buy him a replacement next Hogsmeade visit. It's really starting to cost me. Well, at least Neville never notices the difference. Poor guy thinks his toad's part chameleon. I'm never going tell him that it impossible for chameleons and toads to cross breed.  
  
Oh, I ran into Malfoy in the corridor. I said hello as I walked by; he flicked me off in return. Some people just don't have any manners.  
  
_5:42 p.m.  
_  
Crookshanks just found my jewelry stash. He's chocking on my sapphire pendant. I think I might need to buy a new cat as well...  
  
_5:44 p.m._  
  
I decided that buying a new cat was too expensive.


	2. And to my further surprise, he flicked m...

> Authors Note: As a few have already noticed, this story is very Georgia Nicolson-esque. I find Louise Rennison's work to be the funniest, most- wittiest thing I've ever laid eyes on so I couldn't help using her books as the foundation of this story. You know, the funny thing is, I was never really that good with writing diaries...  
  
Summary: A closer look at Hermione's innermost thoughts.  
  
Disclaimer: This story is based on character and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books, Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.  
  
Confessions of an Annoying Know it all   
By: Fidelius Charmer  
  
Chapter 2: And to my further surprise, he flicked me off...  
  
_March 23-4:12 a.m.   
Head Girl Dormitory  
_  
Remind me why I saved Crookshanks. That sorry excuse for a cat woke me from my much-needed beauty sleep. Do you honestly think that a complexion such as mine appears magically? I think not! Not only did he wake me up, but I was also swimming in cat saliva. It seems that he's been suckling at my sheets again. No matter how many times I hex the little bastard, it's never enough to break this obnoxious and thoroughly disgusting habit of his.  
  
Maybe I should accidentally spill the contents of my jewelry stash on the floor...  
  
_4:26 a.m._  
  
There are some really peculiar noises coming from next-door. I think I might check in on Justin just in case his bed curtains are strangling him again. How it happened last time is still a mystery to me.  
  
_4:34 a.m._  
  
It's official; I am never leaving this room again. I mean, what is it with the 7th years and their strange fixation with orgies? Furthermore, why do I always seem to walk right into them? I must have some sort of bizarre magnetism to them or something.  
  
Anyway, Justin wasn't too happy about me barging in on him. I never knew he had such an extensive vocabulary. He's almost as good as Malfoy; he's probably better because of his originality. I told him as much and to my further surprise, he flicked me off and told me to go shag a three-toed monkey with a lobotomy.  
  
_9:21 a.m.   
Potions_  
  
Remember that whole ethics thing? Yeah well, it applies here as well. I couldn't miss the practical; that would have been total academic suicide. That and Snape would have probably been overjoyed over my absence. We can't have a happy Snape; it would be like defying the powers that be. The entire school would probably drop dead the moment they saw a shadow of a smile cross his disgustingly ashen features.  
  
I mean, hasn't the man ever heard of sunlight? And what's with his greasy hair? He's a potions master, for Gods sake! How hard could it be for him whip up something to-  
  
_12:30 p.m.   
Library  
_  
I hate Murphy. I hate his godforsaken law as well. I think I'll go drown myself in the lake now.  
  
_4:07 p.m.   
Hospital Wing_  
  
Why do people insist on rescuing you when you specifically tell them not to? I can't stand it when Harry and Ron act all gallantly. I mean, whatever protest you send their way just goes in through one ear and out the other. Actually that always happens no matter what I say to them.  
  
Anyway, couldn't they see that the Giant Squid was just trying to help me commit suicide? Except well, that would make it murder, wouldn't it? Whatever. Murder, suicide, it's always the same outcome; somebody dies. And this time I was hoping it would be me.  
  
Now I know you're probably wondering what on earth would make a levelheaded girl such as myself wish to commit suicide. Well, what if your teacher had confiscated your journal and then read it out-loud to the entire class. Trust me, you would want to commit suicide as well.  
  
And now Justin refuses to speak to me. It's always a bad thing when the head boy and girl are not on speaking terms. The last time this happened, the first years took over the school and finger-painted obscene pictures all over the place, though I have an odd feeling that Malfoy and his lot had something to do with this. This cannot be happening. I refuse to believe that any of this is happening.  
  
_4:24 p.m._  
  
I swear that if anybody else mentions what happened today in Potions, I will not hesitate to turn them into a badger. Oh look, it seems that Malfoy has stopped by for a little visit. He's still got that lurker on his chin.  
  
_4:47 p.m.  
_  
Who would have thought Malfoy would make a good badger. He's got the whole wing in disarray. He's gnawing away and the legs of Madam Pomfrey's desk now to see if she wants to come down and play. I'm debating on whether or not I should lend him a helping hand...  
  
_4:50 p.m.  
_  
Dumbledore decided for me; he set everything to rights. He's such a party pooper. I think Malfoy was slightly peeved as well, though he did a fantastic job in hiding it. He stormed out shortly afterwards, muttering something about audacity and mudbloods. Does he ever have anything original to say?


End file.
